10. Santa asks all the girls on the naughty list to the north pole.

9. Santa managing time share condos in Orlando.

8. Santa wears red sweatpants and rides the subway all day, mugging people to pay for all the presents he gives.

7. The Elves: cute, cuddly workers for little children around the world by day, by night they are a radical communist terrorist group.

6. The Elves form a boy band.

5. Straws are drawn, and the elf with the short straw has to go to medical science.

4. Two words. Elf porn.

3. Santa: The guy that you sit next to on airplanes.

2. The elves deal a drug they call "Cane"